Everything Was Great Until It Sucked

This makes him a weird ass dude, and the weird ass people are the only ones making sense anymore. They're the last people in this life who can still fight off the bastard inside of them. So you should read these essays. You'll laugh.

Author: Patrick Wensink

Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press

ISBN: 1621050645

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 192

View: 178


"There are plenty of bastards in this world, but Patrick Wensink isn't one of them. Well, maybe. He is our Terry Southern and Paul Krassner and possibly one day even our own Jonathan Swift. Most writers are interested in the boring ass subject matter of the 21st century: "I did drugs. I had sex." No shit. Wensink is more concerned with Dwight Yoakum, lawsuits, biscuits, Charles Kuralt, babies and corpses, anxiety and Ohio. This makes him a weird ass dude, and the weird ass people are the only ones making sense anymore. They're the last people in this life who can still fight off the bastard inside of them. So you should read these essays. You'll laugh. It means you're still alive. You'll feel wings sprouting from your shoulder blades afterwards. You'll be able to fly. It's okay to laugh and fly. I promise." - SCOTT MCCLANAHAN, author of "The Collected Works of Scott McClanahan Vol. I"

A RUSSIAN GRANDMOTHER S WONDER TALES 50 Children s Russian Bedtime Stories

... star-bestrewn sky shed a magical half-darkness over everything. ... So simple Isegrim sucked up the water in great gulps, until it began to run out at ...

Author: Anon E. Mouse

Publisher: Abela Publishing Ltd

ISBN: 9788828302759

Category: Fiction

Page: 193

View: 919


An ancient Hopi parable states “He who tells stories, rules the world.” The stories which this Russian grandmother tells can be found, with many others, in a collection of “Tales and Legends of South Slavonia.” Here they have been sketched with the background of Russian peasant village life as it existed in some parts of Southern Russia. Because of this, the narrator has been careful to clothe them as nearly as possible in the simple language in which they are retold to-day by many a village fireside in South Slavonia. The 50 children’s stories in this volume are arranged into 24 chapters. Here you will find stories like: The Little Boy and the Grandmother, The Wolf as a Roman, The Sick Lion, Saturday Afternoon, The Fire of Shavings, The Man, the Hare, the Fox, and the Bear, The Bird, the Fox, and the Dog, A Pleasant Surprise, The Patient Little Boy, The Seven Stars, The Wonderful Story, The Bridge, The Korowai, The Basil-Plant, Steelpacha and many, many more. Just as the Hopi’s of North America told their children stories to teach morals and the lessons of life, so did the Russians, the Vikings, the Greeks, the ancient Egyptians as well as the Chinese, Japanese and Zulus. In fact you will find folklore and fairy tales in every nation on earth. Without exception, all have a simple message, good always wins and the evil protagonist will lose and be, at least exiled, or worse. So download this book and make yourself comfortable with a mug full of something hot and steaming and be prepared to be entertained for hours. YESTERDAY’S BOOKS raising funds for TODAYS CHARITIES ========== KEYWORDS: fairy tales, folklore, myths, legends, children’s stories, children’s stories, bygone era, fairydom, fairy land, classic stories, children’s bedtime stories, fables, Adventures, Russian, Grandmother, Wonder Stories, Little Boy, Grandmother, Wolf as a Roman, Mother, Fête-Day, Sick Lion, Saturday Afternoon, Whiteling’s War, Isegrim, Fire of Shavings, Bear, Boar, Fox, frost Bite, Toes, Man, Hare, Fox, Bear, After Supper, Reinecke, Revenge, Isegrim, Snowy Day, Bird, Dog, Dove, Election Meeting, Hedgehog, Gockeling, Cock, Disappoint, Cat, Mouse, Pleasant Surprise, Badger, Stag, Patient, Little Boy, Hen, Sheep-Play, Beg, Seven Stars, the Vila, Muhlenberg, Homesick, Short Story, Golden, Apple Tree, Nine Peahens, Peacock, wonderful story, Youth, Sleepless, Golden Castle, Home Again, Prince, Princess, King, Queen, Betrothal, Deserter, Fields, Hunter, Watch Tower, Earth, Heaven, Bridge, Trinity Monday, Born, Die, Enchanted Lambs, Knot-Grass, Threshing, Three Eels, Korowai, Morning, Dew, Wedding, Neverfull, Basil-Plant, Wedding, Steelpacha

The Russian Grandmother s Wonder Tales

Now suck up the water in great gulps and you will suck up the cheese at last, just as I did.” So simple Isegrim sucked up the water in great gulps, until it ...

Author: Louise Seymour Houghton

Publisher: BoD – Books on Demand

ISBN: 9783752340075

Category: Fiction

Page: 152

View: 703


Reproduction of the original: The Russian Grandmother’s Wonder Tales by Louise Seymour Houghton

Only Mostly Devastated

Which sucked for Niamh, but it was hard to feel too sorry for her, because I was too relieved I ... You know, not epically great or anything, but fine.

Author: Sophie Gonzales

Publisher: Wednesday Books

ISBN: 9781250315908

Category: Young Adult Fiction

Page: 272

View: 435


Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda meets Clueless in this boy-meets-boy spin on Grease A 2021 Rainbow Book List Selection A 2021 Southern Book Prize finalist A Goodreads Choice Awards 2020 finalist A Junior Library Guild Gold Standard Selection An Indie Next Pick “Only Mostly Devastated is the kind of book I wish existed when my kids were younger—a charming, funny, laugh-out-loud teen romance that reminds all readers love comes in a multitude of flavors, and they are ALL sweet.” —Jodi Picoult, New York Times–bestselling author of Small Great Things and A Spark of Light “A delightful, heartwarming, heartrending story about family, love, friendship, and living your most authentic life. I couldn't put it down.” —New York Times–bestselling author Sandhya Menon Will Tavares is the dream summer fling—he’s fun, affectionate, kind—but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After, summer vacation ends and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairytale ending, and to complicate the fairytale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realizes it’s the same school Will goes to...except Ollie finds that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted—and, to be honest, a bit of a jerk. Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again. Right? Right. ~~~ "Only Mostly Devastated [is] an instant hit and Sophie Gonzales one YA author to watch.” —Julia Lynn Rubin, author of Trouble Girls

That Sucked

Series That Just Plain Sucks Book 3 Charissa Dufour ... So I have to confess, the great monuments of Egypt have never been anywhere near my bucket list.

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310474521

Category: Fiction


View: 413


*This is a finished series* Ashley Hawn's vampire existence has been anything but calm. Turned for the sole purpose of raising a long-dead warlock from the grave, Ashley has spent her new life fighting against those who would use her. Now the warlock is back, and Ashley finds herself connected to him in every way possible. She must work alongside her friends to stop him from enslaving the entire human population. Meanwhile, the men in her life continue to show her romantic inclinations. As Ashley works to break the connection between her and the warlock, she ducks and dodges the attention of her male friends, doing her best to ward them off without ending the friendship. Will Ashley kill Sedgrave, and will she have any friends left when it is all over?

It Sucked and Then I Cried

I kind of understood this going into parenthood, but it's not something you can TRULY appreciate, like everything else about parenthood, until it drops on ...

Author: Heather Armstrong

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1416959149

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 272

View: 225


An irreverent and captivating memoir about the unexpected joys and glaring indignities of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood - from the beloved creator of the most popular personal blog on the web, dooce.com Heather Armstrong gave up a lot of things when she and her husband, Jon, decided to have a baby: beer, small boobs, free time -- and antidepressants. The eighteen months that followed were filled with anxiety, constipation, nacho cheese Doritos, and an unconditional love that threatened to make her heart explode. Still, as baby Leta grew and her husband, Jon, returned to work, Heather faced lonely days, sleepless nights, and endless screaming that sometimes made her wish she'd never become a mother. Just as she was poised to throw another gallon of milk at her husband's head, she committed herself for a short stay in a mental hospital -- the best decision she ever made for her family. To the dedicated millions who can't get enough of Heather's unforgettably unique style and hilarious stories on her hugely popular blog, there's little she won't share about her daily life as a recovering Mormon, liberal daughter of Republicans, wife of a charming geek, lover of television that exceeds at being really awful, and stay-at-home mom to five-year-old Leta and two willful dogs. In It Sucked and Then I Cried, Heather tells, with trademark wit, the heartfelt, unrelentingly honest story of her battle with postpartum depression and all the other minor details of pregnancy and motherhood that no one cares to mention. Like how boring it can be to care for someone whose primary means of communication is through her bowels. And how long it can possibly take to reconvene the procedure that got you into this whole parenthood mess in the first place. And how you sometimes think you can't possibly go five more minutes without breathing in that utterly irresistible and totally redeemable fresh baby smell. It Sucked and Then I Cried is a brave cautionary tale about crossing over that invisible line to the other side (the parenting side), where everything changes and it only gets worse. But most of all, it's a celebration of a love so big it can break your heart into a million pieces.

Sucked Away

Series that Just Plain Sucks book 2 Charissa Dufour ... They draped from his broad shoulders until they dragged upon the ground like a train.

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310314193

Category: Fiction


View: 555


*This is a finished series* Barely surviving the resurrection of the warlock Sedgrave, Ashley has healed in body, if not in mind. As she slowly tries to piece together her mind, sorting past from present and friend from foe, the time of her joining- a ritual designed to bind her to her seethe-comes upon her. Before the ritual can be completed in full, it is interrupted by a ragged pack of werewolves seeking asylum and protection. Meanwhile, a storm is brewing in the mystical world with Ashley at its center, and before she knows it, her calm existence is once more Sucked Away. Fantasy, urban fantasy, vampire, werewolf, magic, wizard

The Code of the Warrior

That Old Man Who Did Everything decided that was not enough so he made the
people . He made the people out of clay ... The great beast sucked and sucked ,
until slowly the ropes gave way and Coyote was drawn into Native Americans

Author: Shannon E. French

Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Pub Incorporated

ISBN: UOM:39015058801831

Category: History

Page: 258

View: 495


Warrior cultures throughout history have developed unique codes that restrict their behavior and set them apart from the rest of society. But what possible reason could a warrior have for accepting such restraints? Why should those whose profession can force them into hellish kill-or-be-killed conditions care about such lofty concepts as honor, courage, nobility, duty, and sacrifice? And why should it matter so much to the warriors themselves that they be something more than mere murderers? The Code of the Warrior tackles these timely issues and takes the reader on a tour of warrior cultures and their values, from the ancient Greeks and Romans to the "barbaric" Vikings and Celts, from legendary chivalric knights to Native American tribesmen, from Chinese warrior monks pursuing enlightenment to Japanese samurai practicing death. Drawing these rich traditions up to the present, the author quests for a code for the warriors of today, as they do battle in asymmetric conflicts against unconventional forces and the scourge of global terrorism

Sucked In

“That's awesome. I was wondering when you were going to ball up and ask her out.” Jordan's pale lips turned up into a smile as his face burned red.

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310449338

Category: Fiction


View: 910


Struggling vampire romance novelist Ashley Hawn was living her dream. By day she worked as a clerk at a local grocery store, and by night she immersed herself in the imaginary world of sexy vampires, shirtless men, and endless parties. Between work, her writing, and her best friends- Chloe and Jordan- life was good. She was even dating a mysterious and sexy man (or so she thought) by the name of Isaac. Then in a flash, her whole world changed and she discovered herself turned. Quickly she finds that life as a vampire is less sexy shirtless men, endless parties, and is more running for her life as she tries to dodge the attacks of every mythological creature in the area. Quickly she finds that life as a vampire is less sexy shirtless men, endless parties, and is more running for her life as she tries to dodge the attacks of every mythological creature in the area. Cover by Kelliane Rumsey Fantasy, urban fantasy, vampire, werewolf, magic, wizard

Everything is a Big Deal Until It s Not

I know, it sucked. I still cringe when I see Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles drinking from the water fountain wearing her headgear.

Author: Laurie Condon

Publisher: Black Rose Writing

ISBN: 9781684333769

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 150

View: 686


Upon hitting the ripe old age of 49, in the midst of perimenopause, Laurie Condon started reflecting on where she had been and where she was going. Laurie was trying to grasp what was happening to her body, and how quickly time was flying. Laurie Condon was hangry and moody which did not help. After waking up every day grumpy because nothing fit, she was determined to change her mindset and begin appreciating the journey. Other phases of life had their downsides too. For instance, going through puberty was awful, finding a significant other was challenging too. Becoming a mother and caring for an aging mother was daunting, but then something happened...

Sucked In

So far, so good. I put everything but the FUME News back in the archive boxes, added the last of the moths' knackers and stowed them away again.

Author: Shane Maloney

Publisher: Text Publishing

ISBN: 9781921351440

Category: Extortion

Page: 276

View: 572


Now pushing fifty, Murray Whelan is spinning his wheels in parliament - a toothless cog in Labor's stalled political machine. But when the remains of a long-lost union official are found in dried-up Lake Nillahcootie, Murray soon gets sucked into some murky waters. For a start, it seems that his old mate Charlie Talbot was implicated. But Charlie has just dropped dead of a coronary occlusion in the dining room of the Mildura Grand Hotel, leaving behind a lot of unanswered questions. The press are sniffing around and Labor's enemies are lining up for a free kick. Then there's the blackmail attempt. And as if that wasn't enough, there's an ALP preselection going pear-shaped. Eagerly awaited by his legion of fans, Shane Maloney's sixth Murray Whelan mystery sees the clown prince of the true believers in vintage form.

Nothing the Same Everything Haunted

I was perched on a great white horse , riding west under the scorch of the sun ... until I was more barbecue than baby and all my juice was sucked into the ...

Author: Gary Barwin

Publisher: Random House Canada

ISBN: 9780735279537

Category: Fiction

Page: 344

View: 947


A middle-aged Jewish man who fantasizes about being a cowboy goes on an eccentric quest across Europe after the 1941 Nazi invasion of Lithuania in this wild and witty yet heartrending novel from the bestselling author of Yiddish for Pirates, shortlisted for the Scotiabank Giller Prize. Motl is middle-aged, poor, nerdy, Jewish and in desperate need of a shave. Since having his balls shot cleanly off as a youth in WWI, he's lived a quiet life at home in Vilnius with his shrewd and shrewish mom, Gitl, losing himself in the masculine fantasy world of cowboy novels by writers like Karl May--novels equally loved by Hitler, whose troops have just invaded Lithuania and are out to exterminate people like Motl. In his dreams, Motl is a fast-talking, rugged, expert gunslinger capable of dealing with the Nazi threat. But only in his dreams. As friends and neighbours are killed around them, Motl and Gitl escape from Vilnius, saving their own skins. But they immediately risk everything to try rescue relatives they hope are still alive. With death all around him, Motl decides that a Jew's best revenge is not only to live, but to procreate. In order to achieve this, though, he must relocate those most crucial pieces of his anatomy lost to him in a glacier in the Swiss Alps in the previous war. It's an absurd yet life-affirming mission, made even more urgent when he's separated from his mother, and isn't sure whether she's alive or dead. Joining forces, and eventually hearts, with Esther, a Jewish woman whose family has been killed, Motl ventures across Europe, a kaleidoscope of narrow escapes and close encounters with everyone from Himmler, to circus performers, double agents, quislings, fake "Indians" and real ones. Motl at last figures out that he has more connection to the Indigenous characters in western novels than the cowboys. An imaginative and deeply felt exploration of genocide, persecution, colonialism and masculinity--saturated in Gary Barwin's sharp wit and perfect pun-play--Nothing the Same, Everything Haunted: The Ballad of Motl the Cowboy is a one-of-a-kind novel of sheer genius.

Keeping the Faith

And she really thought everything was fineuntil later that morning. But after breakfast, they stopped at the hotel's ... She sucked in an indignant breath.

Author: Della Laredo

Publisher: TEACH Services, Inc.

ISBN: 9781479605415

Category: Religion

Page: 320

View: 303


Susana was living the dream she had never thought possible. Having finished Doug Damour’s 6,000-mile cross-country footrace, she had become an heir to his vast fortune. He’d even healed her of the disfiguring burn scars that had repelled people on sight. Now, thanks to Doug’s generosity, she was actually married, not to mention pursuing a doctorate and looking forward to starting her own family. Never had she imagined herself in such a privileged position! But her picture-perfect bubble abruptly popped when her new husband, Chris Strider, landed on the enemy’s “List.” Battling her fear of the unknown, Susana clung desperately to her dream. Yet Doug insisted that she must surrender everything to him, including Chris. Surrender. Trust. Faith. The words haunted her. Could she trust Doug with her most precious gifts?

Life From Scratch

“This birthday really sucks,” I tell her. “I'm sorry, this restaurant was ... He was a great guy, until we saw Adam at the party. That fucked up everything.

Author: Melissa Ford

Publisher: BelleBooks

ISBN: 9781935661863

Category: Fiction

Page: 209

View: 906


Divorced, heartbroken and living in a lonely New York apartment with a tiny kitchen, Rachel Goldman realizes she doesn't even know how to cook the simplest meal for herself. Can learning to fry an egg help her understand where her life went wrong? She dives into the culinary basics. Then she launches a blog to vent her misery about life, love and her goal of an unburnt casserole.To her amazement, the blog's a hit. She becomes a minor celebrity. Next, a sexy Spaniard enters her life. Will her souffles stop falling? Will she finally forget about the husband she still loves? And how can she explain to her readers that she still hasn't learned how to cook up a happy life from scratch?

Stranger to the System

I know , I should have said good - bye , but it was difficult to do . ... But we were
good together for a long time , weren ' t we ? ... You sucked my mind until I was
oblivious to everything , causing me to lose myself in reoccurring blackouts .

Author: Jim Flynn


ISBN: IND:30000100200975

Category: Photography

Page: 305

View: 563


Sweet Fire

Everything was fine until the IRS came down on him about unpaid taxes. ... He continued to tell how he felt like the very life was being sucked out ...

Author: Rica and Charles Basel

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 9781462893324

Category: Religion

Page: 146

View: 574



The Good Funeral Guide

The embalmer now disposes of everything sucked out. Some will have to use the toilet. It all goes into the mains drainage. No danger to public health, then.

Author: Charles Cowling

Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

ISBN: 9781441133229

Category: Self-Help

Page: 216

View: 730


The Good Funeral Guide is the first ever independent consumer guide to the funeral industry. It is for anyone who: - needs to arrange a funeral for someone now - has sick or elderly relatives or friends and knows that a funeral is imminent - wants to find a good funeral director and have some say in the funeral itself - wants to make future arrangements for their own funeral - would like to learn about deaths and funerals Authoritative, impartial and empowering, it is indispensable for those who don't want a conventional religious ceremony and invaluable for those who do. This is a book we will all need - probably at least twice.

Life the Universe and Everything

Until a better theory is proposed, contrary evidence is a mere anomaly.11 2.3 ... why suction pumps stop sucking at around thirty-four feet. it appeared to ...

Author: Ric Machuga

Publisher: ISD LLC

ISBN: 9780718840563

Category: Philosophy

Page: 324

View: 253


No philosophical idea, no matter how small, can live alone. Ideas always gain their force, power, and life from their surroundings - their ecosystem. The ecosystem of ideas defended in this book comes from the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle and his medieval interpreter, Thomas Aquinas. The ongoing relevance of their philosophical thought to twenty-first century issues is opened up in fascinating ways in this book. Life, the Universe, and Everything is the product of thirty years of teaching introductory courses in philosophy. Assuming no prior background, it only requires of readers an enquiring mind and a willingness to think carefully. An ideal guide to the big questions we face.

Bad Husband

Everything had been great. Until he'd left. ... Work travel sucked, but she wanted it to suck with Clay. She wanted to plan their trips together, ...

Author: Elise Faber

Publisher: Elise Faber

ISBN: 9781946140166

Category: Fiction

Page: 250

View: 956


Heather O’Keith is the biggest, baddest female CEO around. She’s known for being tough as nails, fair to a fault, and a shark when it comes to securing contracts for her business, RoboTech. She’s also lonely. Not that she would tell anyone else that . . . least of all one Clay Steele—sexy, smart, cold, and a man with a business acumen that both matches and sometimes surpasses her own. But then fate catches them both at a weak moment and Heather realizes that she may not be the only lonely one. The big lug who seems to enjoy tormenting her in the business world also has a soft side. And when that part of him is wholly directed at her, she gets stupid. Stupid finds her waking up hungover and naked in Clay’s bed. With a giant diamond ring. On her left hand. And a wedding license with their names on it. Oh lord, what has she done?

Whad Ya Know

I take a second stone from the right pocket of my greatcoat, suck it put it in the left pocket of my greatcoat. And so on until the right pocket of my ...

Author: Michael Feldman

Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.

ISBN: 1402247729

Category: Humor

Page: 496

View: 587


A brand new bathroom reader collection, from the beloved trivia voice of public radio. SO...DID YOU KNOW THAT: 53% of American workers feel they work ""with a bunch of monkeys."" (What the monkeys think, we don't know.) During shaky economic times, lipstick sales go up. The longest conflict in American history was fought over a pig. Washington state has the best-dressed State Troopers. AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU NOW KNOW THAT?! If you'd love to quiz yourself about what you know, and then fill your brain with thousands of fascinating and highly useful facts like these, look no further. (And as an added bonus, you'll get jokes and stories too!) Every weekend, radio listeners across the nation delight in the facts and fun of the hit show Whad'Ya Know? with Michael Feldman. Now, for the first time, Michael collects the greatest trivia, quizzes, stories, and fun facts just for you. Every weekend, thousands of public radio listeners across the nation delight in the facts and fun of the hit PRI show Whad'Ya Know? with Michael Feldman. Now, for the first time Michael collects the greatest trivia, quizzes, stories, and fun facts from the show in Whad'Ya Know?. With features perfectly sized for spending a little time on the throne, Whad'Ya Know? contains sections that fans of the show will be sure to recognize, such as: Things You Should Have Learned in School (Had You Been Paying Attention) The Daily Briefing Thanks for the Memos The Best of the Best And much more If your answer to ""Whad'Ya Know?"" is ""not much,"" get ready to become the smartest person on the block... or at least the one that knows the most stuff.