Everything Was Great Until It Sucked

This makes him a weird ass dude, and the weird ass people are the only ones making sense anymore. They're the last people in this life who can still fight off the bastard inside of them. So you should read these essays. You'll laugh.

Author: Patrick Wensink

Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press

ISBN: 1621050645

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 192

View: 745

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"There are plenty of bastards in this world, but Patrick Wensink isn't one of them. Well, maybe. He is our Terry Southern and Paul Krassner and possibly one day even our own Jonathan Swift. Most writers are interested in the boring ass subject matter of the 21st century: "I did drugs. I had sex." No shit. Wensink is more concerned with Dwight Yoakum, lawsuits, biscuits, Charles Kuralt, babies and corpses, anxiety and Ohio. This makes him a weird ass dude, and the weird ass people are the only ones making sense anymore. They're the last people in this life who can still fight off the bastard inside of them. So you should read these essays. You'll laugh. It means you're still alive. You'll feel wings sprouting from your shoulder blades afterwards. You'll be able to fly. It's okay to laugh and fly. I promise." - SCOTT MCCLANAHAN, author of "The Collected Works of Scott McClanahan Vol. I"

Scene of the Crime Mystic Lake

To be honest, it never really crossed my mind to be anything else but a cop.” “Are your mom and dad still alive? ... You don't know it's there until it has sucked the last of everything good out of you,” she said softly.

Author: Carla Cassidy

Publisher: Harlequin

ISBN: 9780373695973

Category: Fiction

Page: 224

View: 619

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When FBI profiler Amberly Nightsong is sent to Mystic Lake to consult with local cops about three ritualistic murders, the last thing she expects is to be a piece in a madman's sick puzzle. Luckily, she has a sexy lawman on her side. Sheriff Cole Caldwell offers his protection—and stirs an awareness that leaves her breathless. Cole, a widower, had shut himself off from the possibility of loving again. But as he works side by side with the single mom, he's drawn to Amberly and will do anything to erase the fear in her eyes. And as the danger intensifies in the form of a killer's twisted calling card, his vow to keep her and her young son safe will be put to the ultimate test.…

The Russian Grandmother s Wonder Tales

Now suck up the water in great gulps and you will suck up the cheese at last, just as I did.” So simple Isegrim sucked up the water in great gulps, until it began to run out at his ears. Reinecke very kindly plugged up his ears and ...

Author: Louise Seymour Houghton

Publisher: BoD – Books on Demand

ISBN: 9783752340075

Category: Fiction

Page: 152

View: 307

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Reproduction of the original: The Russian Grandmother’s Wonder Tales by Louise Seymour Houghton

That Sucked

So I have to confess, the great monuments of Egypt have never been anywhere near my bucket list. They just didn't seem that interesting. Now let me say: I was totally wrong. I mean seriously, have you seen these things? Everything on ...

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310474521

Category: Fiction

Page:

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*This is a finished series* Ashley Hawn's vampire existence has been anything but calm. Turned for the sole purpose of raising a long-dead warlock from the grave, Ashley has spent her new life fighting against those who would use her. Now the warlock is back, and Ashley finds herself connected to him in every way possible. She must work alongside her friends to stop him from enslaving the entire human population. Meanwhile, the men in her life continue to show her romantic inclinations. As Ashley works to break the connection between her and the warlock, she ducks and dodges the attention of her male friends, doing her best to ward them off without ending the friendship. Will Ashley kill Sedgrave, and will she have any friends left when it is all over?

Sucked Away

His hair was white, like the feathers of his wings, and blended in until I couldn't tell where the hair ended and the feathers began. His chest was nicely sculpted and he wore snug, leather pants. Everything about him said pleasure and ...

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310314193

Category: Fiction

Page:

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*This is a finished series* Barely surviving the resurrection of the warlock Sedgrave, Ashley has healed in body, if not in mind. As she slowly tries to piece together her mind, sorting past from present and friend from foe, the time of her joining- a ritual designed to bind her to her seethe-comes upon her. Before the ritual can be completed in full, it is interrupted by a ragged pack of werewolves seeking asylum and protection. Meanwhile, a storm is brewing in the mystical world with Ashley at its center, and before she knows it, her calm existence is once more Sucked Away. Fantasy, urban fantasy, vampire, werewolf, magic, wizard

Sucked In

Series that Just Plain Sucks Book 1 Charissa Dufour. Despite the revelation, we never did attempt to date ... “That's awesome. I was wondering when you were going to ball up ... I had thought so too, until today. “So what are you up to?

Author: Charissa Dufour

Publisher: Charissa Dufour

ISBN: 9781310449338

Category: Fiction

Page:

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Struggling vampire romance novelist Ashley Hawn was living her dream. By day she worked as a clerk at a local grocery store, and by night she immersed herself in the imaginary world of sexy vampires, shirtless men, and endless parties. Between work, her writing, and her best friends- Chloe and Jordan- life was good. She was even dating a mysterious and sexy man (or so she thought) by the name of Isaac. Then in a flash, her whole world changed and she discovered herself turned. Quickly she finds that life as a vampire is less sexy shirtless men, endless parties, and is more running for her life as she tries to dodge the attacks of every mythological creature in the area. Quickly she finds that life as a vampire is less sexy shirtless men, endless parties, and is more running for her life as she tries to dodge the attacks of every mythological creature in the area. Cover by Kelliane Rumsey Fantasy, urban fantasy, vampire, werewolf, magic, wizard

It Sucked and Then I Cried

But we did get some good news; at her nine-month checkup we found out that Leta's head had grown significantly in the last ... This happened from time to time, and our usual response was to let her fall back asleep until 7 AM so that we ...

Author: Heather Armstrong

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1416959149

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 272

View: 831

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An irreverent and captivating memoir about the unexpected joys and glaring indignities of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood - from the beloved creator of the most popular personal blog on the web, dooce.com Heather Armstrong gave up a lot of things when she and her husband, Jon, decided to have a baby: beer, small boobs, free time -- and antidepressants. The eighteen months that followed were filled with anxiety, constipation, nacho cheese Doritos, and an unconditional love that threatened to make her heart explode. Still, as baby Leta grew and her husband, Jon, returned to work, Heather faced lonely days, sleepless nights, and endless screaming that sometimes made her wish she'd never become a mother. Just as she was poised to throw another gallon of milk at her husband's head, she committed herself for a short stay in a mental hospital -- the best decision she ever made for her family. To the dedicated millions who can't get enough of Heather's unforgettably unique style and hilarious stories on her hugely popular blog, there's little she won't share about her daily life as a recovering Mormon, liberal daughter of Republicans, wife of a charming geek, lover of television that exceeds at being really awful, and stay-at-home mom to five-year-old Leta and two willful dogs. In It Sucked and Then I Cried, Heather tells, with trademark wit, the heartfelt, unrelentingly honest story of her battle with postpartum depression and all the other minor details of pregnancy and motherhood that no one cares to mention. Like how boring it can be to care for someone whose primary means of communication is through her bowels. And how long it can possibly take to reconvene the procedure that got you into this whole parenthood mess in the first place. And how you sometimes think you can't possibly go five more minutes without breathing in that utterly irresistible and totally redeemable fresh baby smell. It Sucked and Then I Cried is a brave cautionary tale about crossing over that invisible line to the other side (the parenting side), where everything changes and it only gets worse. But most of all, it's a celebration of a love so big it can break your heart into a million pieces.

Only Mostly Devastated

A we-don'tneed-any-men (except Ollie, he's all right) vibe. And everything was fine. You know, not epically great or anything, but fine. Right up until the day Juliette started sobbing into her cheeseburger at lunch, ...

Author: Sophie Gonzales

Publisher: Wednesday Books

ISBN: 9781250315908

Category: Young Adult Fiction

Page: 272

View: 656

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Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda meets Clueless in this boy-meets-boy spin on Grease A 2021 Rainbow Book List Selection A 2021 Southern Book Prize finalist A Goodreads Choice Awards 2020 finalist A Junior Library Guild Gold Standard Selection An Indie Next Pick “Only Mostly Devastated is the kind of book I wish existed when my kids were younger—a charming, funny, laugh-out-loud teen romance that reminds all readers love comes in a multitude of flavors, and they are ALL sweet.” —Jodi Picoult, New York Times–bestselling author of Small Great Things and A Spark of Light “A delightful, heartwarming, heartrending story about family, love, friendship, and living your most authentic life. I couldn't put it down.” —New York Times–bestselling author Sandhya Menon Will Tavares is the dream summer fling—he’s fun, affectionate, kind—but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After, summer vacation ends and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairytale ending, and to complicate the fairytale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realizes it’s the same school Will goes to...except Ollie finds that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted—and, to be honest, a bit of a jerk. Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again. Right? Right. ~~~ "Only Mostly Devastated [is] an instant hit and Sophie Gonzales one YA author to watch.” —Julia Lynn Rubin, author of Trouble Girls

Life From Scratch

All men suck.” I am not nearly as drunk as I would like to be. I test the counter for dryness and then lift myself ... “He was great. He was a great guy, until we saw Adam at the party. That fucked up everything. Everything changed.

Author: Melissa Ford

Publisher: BelleBooks

ISBN: 9781935661863

Category: Fiction

Page: 209

View: 611

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Divorced, heartbroken and living in a lonely New York apartment with a tiny kitchen, Rachel Goldman realizes she doesn't even know how to cook the simplest meal for herself. Can learning to fry an egg help her understand where her life went wrong? She dives into the culinary basics. Then she launches a blog to vent her misery about life, love and her goal of an unburnt casserole.To her amazement, the blog's a hit. She becomes a minor celebrity. Next, a sexy Spaniard enters her life. Will her souffles stop falling? Will she finally forget about the husband she still loves? And how can she explain to her readers that she still hasn't learned how to cook up a happy life from scratch?

Sucked In

Across the river, work crews were erecting stages in the forecourt of the new casino building, getting everything chip-shape for the grand opening on Thursday evening. This gambling caper, I thought, it can really suck you in.

Author: Shane Maloney

Publisher: Text Publishing

ISBN: 9781921351440

Category: Extortion

Page: 276

View: 899

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Now pushing fifty, Murray Whelan is spinning his wheels in parliament - a toothless cog in Labor's stalled political machine. But when the remains of a long-lost union official are found in dried-up Lake Nillahcootie, Murray soon gets sucked into some murky waters. For a start, it seems that his old mate Charlie Talbot was implicated. But Charlie has just dropped dead of a coronary occlusion in the dining room of the Mildura Grand Hotel, leaving behind a lot of unanswered questions. The press are sniffing around and Labor's enemies are lining up for a free kick. Then there's the blackmail attempt. And as if that wasn't enough, there's an ALP preselection going pear-shaped. Eagerly awaited by his legion of fans, Shane Maloney's sixth Murray Whelan mystery sees the clown prince of the true believers in vintage form.

The Reunion

Martin knew it was happening, could feel it occurring around him, but could not do anything about it. ... death that sucked all life out of Martin, refusing to let go until his destructive actions had ruined everything good in his life.

Author: Jon Wilmot

Publisher: Lulu.com

ISBN: 9781291565249

Category:

Page:

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Everything You Need to Know

She sank back into the overstuffed chair and balanced her aching feet on the oversize ottoman that sucked up too much of her ... Closing her eyes felt good until Forest's face swam in front of her and she had to open them again.

Author: HelenKay Dimon

Publisher: Harlequin

ISBN: 9781460342862

Category: Fiction

Page:

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Welcome to Need to Know—Because a Woman Can't Be Too Informed Dating in D.C. is like navigating an apocalyptic wasteland populated by men in expensive suits with zero mating potential. Need to Know provides all the information a savvy single woman like you needs to avoid dating disasters. By night, Jordan McAdam is the proprietor of a popular website that rates D.C.'s hottest bachelors—everything from how quick they are to email you back, to their skills in the sack. She's been burned once too often to accept any man at face value. By day, her job as an office temp puts her in the perfect position to do a little fact-checking on her rich and powerful subjects. When her latest assignment brings her face-to-face with the sexy but mysterious Forest Redder, Jordan decides to do a little "hands-on" research of her own. To Jordan, he seems like the perfect man—but she knows there is no such thing. Moreover, there's a big problem: Forest knows Jordan's the woman behind the scandalous site—and Jordan knows he knows. Will he expose her secret—or find his own posted on Need to Know?

Bad Husband

Everything had been great. Until he'd left. He'd been out of town the last four days on a quick business trip ... Work travel sucked, but she wanted it to suck with Clay. She wanted to plan their trips together, to stack their meetings ...

Author: Elise Faber

Publisher: Elise Faber

ISBN: 9781946140166

Category: Fiction

Page: 250

View: 647

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Heather O’Keith is the biggest, baddest female CEO around. She’s known for being tough as nails, fair to a fault, and a shark when it comes to securing contracts for her business, RoboTech. She’s also lonely. Not that she would tell anyone else that . . . least of all one Clay Steele—sexy, smart, cold, and a man with a business acumen that both matches and sometimes surpasses her own. But then fate catches them both at a weak moment and Heather realizes that she may not be the only lonely one. The big lug who seems to enjoy tormenting her in the business world also has a soft side. And when that part of him is wholly directed at her, she gets stupid. Stupid finds her waking up hungover and naked in Clay’s bed. With a giant diamond ring. On her left hand. And a wedding license with their names on it. Oh lord, what has she done?

Sticky Erotica The Rougher 150 Taboo Exotic Sex Hot Stories Bundle Collection

Mike, this time I want you to service him until he's good and hard." Mike didn't hesitate to position ... Mike began working my cock with great enthusiasm as he sucked it in his mouth and stroked his tongue over the bottom of my shaft.

Author: Robin Carlson

Publisher: Emma Larsen

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page: 1606

View: 788

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Filthy Collection of 150! Group stories including MMF Bisexual Threesome, MFM Menage, and MMMF Gang! Read and experiences the adventures of the submissive stunning females as they submit every inch of their breathtaking bodies, relinquishing control of their most intimate part……..……..to multiple men!! Keywords: short sex stories, erotica short stories, free erotica books, older man younger woman, victorian erotica, historical erotica, multiple partners, first time erotica, virgin erotica, free eroctica, sex, erotic domination, submission, humiliation, punishment, humiliated, punished, bondage, spanked, spanking, vibrator, dildo, erotic breeding, bareback, ebooks series, schoolgirl, young teen, girl, teenager, examination, lgbt, cuckold, anal, toy, rough, sexy short erotica, xxx, taboo, wife, fuck, hot, lesbian, toys, sister step, sexy women, milf collection, 18, dp, books, daddy erotika, gay, erotic, butt, men, dirty, big black cock, sex, forced, mommy, her, bisexual, romance, for, sexy, dick, menage, first time, adult, fiction, bdsm, interracial, bisexual, milf short erotica, xxx adults, sexy women, filthy, best taboo, mommy, virgin, smut, collection, compilation, anthology, anal, daddy, bbw porn, bbw sex, free BBW, xxx bbw, adult short stories free, box set, threesome, threesome erotica, threesome bundle, threesome collection, taboo, forbidden, kinky, sexy, man of the house, erotica, erotic stories, bundle, collection, anthology.

Delivering Decker

I opened my mouth and slid his velvety heat to the back of my throat, then hollowed out my cheeks as I sucked him even ... until I'd licked him clean. He mumbled words that sang in my heart. You're mine. So good. You're everything.

Author: Kelly Collins

Publisher: Kelly Collins Author LLC

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page: 186

View: 730

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She’s got everything to gain. He’s got nothing to lose. Can two polar opposites find happiness somewhere in the middle? Decker Riley has it all. But all the money in the world can’t fill the emptiness that threatens to consume him. In the deepest recesses of his hollowed-out heart, he knows his life is a lie. Trapped in his father’s world, Decker hasn’t had the courage to forge a path of his own until he meets a downtrodden waitress named Hannah, who makes him realize that less can actually be more. Hannah Banning has forgotten what it feels like to have hope. She works double shifts to care for her drug-addicted mother and provide opportunities for her younger sister. Financially and emotionally bankrupt, Hannah can’t afford to dream about what she’s missing—a fulfilling career, true love, or a comfortable life until a wounded stranger stumbles into the diner where she works and shows her how rich her life can be. As they uncover the painful truths of their pasts, can the richness of love mend their shattered souls and give them the future of her dreams. Delivering Decker is the third book in The Boys of Fury contemporary romance series. If you like strong heroines, sexy millionaires, and small-town romances, then you’ll love Kelly Collins’ tale about lies, love and life. Buy Delivering Decker, a pulse-pounding, unforgettable romance today!

Thief of the Deep

And ? ” “ Everything was going great until the instructor had the first bunch of students sit on the bottom to try their regulators for the first ... The suction in the tanks turned the students inside out and sucked them right up .

Author: Jon Coon

Publisher: Aqua Quest Publications, Inc.

ISBN: 0962338990

Category: Fiction

Page: 398

View: 455

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High-tech diving and piracy among Bermuda's historic shipwrecks combine in taut thriller.

Nothing Like Paris

It was worse than anything Mike could have imagined. ... Jack's mouth wandered over his chest until he found one of Mike's nipples, sucking on it and flicking it with his tongue until Mike gasped out loud. Everything was salty sweat and ...

Author: Amy Jo Cousins

Publisher: Amy Jo Cousins

ISBN:

Category: Fiction

Page:

View: 458

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A Sure Thing

But then he was between her legs, his face pushing closer, and he sucked her clit with deep draws. ... with her shirt still hiked high enough to see everything, her robe doing her absolutely no good untied and parted, and moaned.

Author: Marie Harte

Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.

ISBN: 9781492631866

Category: Fiction

Page: 352

View: 259

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Meet the Donnigans With the eldest Donnigan brothers adjusting to civilian life, their younger sister constantly in trouble, and their little brother clueless about life in general, falling in love is the last thing on anyone's mind... Can this Bossy Badass Marine... The Marine Corps was everything Landon Donnigan ever wanted in life...until a bullet sent him home with a medical discharge. Teaching a self-defense class at the gym is old-hat for a marine, but when he meets sexy Ava Rosenthal, his combat skills are useless for protecting his heart. Be her Mr. Right? Ava can take care of herself and likes quiet, bookish men-not muscular warriors who think women need to be coddled. But Landon is more than he seems, and when they come together, the results are explosive. The Donnigans series: A Sure Thing (Book 1) Just the Thing (Book 2, coming Spring 2017) Praise for Marie Harte's McCauley Brothers series: "Packed with sass, sensuality and heartwarming emotion...an absolute delight!"-Romance Junkies "Funny, addicting, and full of hot sex scenes."-Booklist

Works of Charles Dickens

The squall had come up , like a spiteful messenger before the morning ; there followed in its wake a ragged tier of light which ripped the dark clouds until they showed a great grey hole of day . They were all shivering , and everything ...

Author: Charles Dickens

Publisher:

ISBN: HARVARD:HWHS5N

Category:

Page:

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Our Mutual Friend

The squall had come up , like a spiteful messenger before the morning ; there followed in its wake a ragged tear of light which ripped the dark clouds until they showed a great grey hole of day . They were all shivering , and everything ...

Author: Charles Dickens

Publisher:

ISBN: OXFORD:503676267

Category: Deception

Page:

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